On My Own
by FireGoddess528
Summary: Bombalurina tells her true feelings for Tugger on a night walk. A songfic to the song On My Own from Les Miz. Oneshot


**Disclaimer:****I don't own CATS or the song On My Own. I only own the soundtracks and the movie version of CATS. **

**I choose this song, because I feel that this might be how ****Bombalurina secretly feels for Tugger. **

_And now I'm all alone again_

_Nowhere to go, no one to turn to _

It was nighttime in the junkyard. Most of the cats had either gone to their human homes, or were sleeping in the junkyard in one of its many hiding places. A single red queen sat by herself atop of the TSE 1. It appeared that she was deep in thought about something. At first glance, another cat might have thought she was thinking about her third name.

_  
Without a home without a friend  
Without a face to say hello to _

They would be wrong. Her thoughts were of something she considered of more importance. No one could help her sort out these thoughts. The feelings she had. She kept them inside her, not daring to revel them to anyone. Even her close friend Demeter.

_And now the night is near  
I can make believe he's here _

Bombalurina loved the night time. It was the only time that was quiet. Nothing could bother her at this time. It was at this time she could slip into her fantasy world. A world where she wasn't confused. Where she could pretend that Tugger was always with her. _  
_

_  
Sometimes I walk alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping _

She jumped down from the abandoned car, and slowly began walking outside of the junkyard. This was another thing she secretly enjoyed. Walking alone gave her more time to think clearly, and slip further into the fantasy. And getting away from the junkyard seemed to help heal the pain he had caused her. Like the further she was from the junkyard, the further she was from him. That idea both pained and helped her. _  
_

_I think of him and I'm happy  
With the company I'm keeping_

_The city goes to bed  
And I can live inside my head _

But the mere thought of him, the way he walked moving his hips from side to side. His grin that melted hearts. The way he danced right next to her. Their bodies moving together as one. These thoughts always made her smile on her lonely walks.

_  
On my own  
Pretending he's beside me _

_All alone  
I walk with him till morning _

Bombalurina loved to pretend, that Tugger would join her on her silent walks. That he walk out of nowhere, swaying his hips from side to side, a smile planted on his face. They would walk and talk together all night, till the early morning when the sun came up.

_Without him  
I feel his arms around me _

_And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
And he has found me _

Even if he wasn't there, she felt like his presence was there. Even in the day time, she could feel his arm around her hours after he had done so. And whenever she was upset, she just had to close her eyes and picture his smile, and the anger would be gone. __

In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight   
And all I see is him and me forever and forever 

It both amazed and scared her how much she loved Tugger. Never had she felt feeling like this before for any Tom. She just wanted for them to be together, for him to say that she was his and he was hers. __

And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him 

_And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say, there's a way for us _

She knew he would never feel the same. To him, their relationship was nothing but lust and teasing. He didn't know the feelings she hid for him. He didn't see the looks she sent him, as he passed by her. The other cats tried to reason with her. They told her to find another Tom who would settle down. But Bombalurina refused to give up. Even though she knew it was hopeless, she still loved Tugger and hoped he would realize it.

_  
I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone  
The river's just a river _

_Without him  
The world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere  
The streets are full of strangers  
_

The night was slowly fading away to the early morning. The queen's dream began to fade with it. Without her fantasy her dreams, her world was nothing.

_  
I love him  
But every day I'm learning  
All my life  
I've only been pretending  
_

She knew she was pretending his love for her was real. A tear fell down her face, as the idea began to sink in further. She realized that it was all fake. None of the fantasies were real and they never would be.

_Without me  
His world would go on turning  
A world that's full of happiness  
That I have never known _

She needed Tugger for her world to go on. But Tugger didn't need her. She was just another queen to him. She could easily be replaced. The sun was fully risen, but Bombalurina didn't even notice. For her it was always morning, her least favorite part of the day. That was when she was forced to face reality. __

I love him  
I love him  
I love him  
But only on my own 

She loved him so much. But he never would feel the same. So her feelings would never be known.

**That's the end. I'm sorry if I made Bombalurina act out of character. This is my first time writing a Cats fanfic. But that's still no excuse I guess. Please leave reviews. And please no flames.**


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